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Calling all citizens of the world, I hereby challenge anyone out there to send in a picture of a bigger snowman, and you shall be crowned the Snow King of all of Internetshire. Tweet your pictures @phillyharper and use the #snowman hashtag. I’ll feature the best of the best right here on this blog!

Without further ado, I present to ye the current Snow King of Internetshire, believe me when I say this has NOT been photoshopped.

From February to March of 2009, twitter doubled its traffic from 7 million hits, to more than 14 million. It’s now leveled off at a cool 23 million unique visitors a month. Mashable estimate that Facebook are gaining 500,000 new users every single day. But most staggering of all is Apple, who announced in September that their app store contained more than 85,000 apps. Just over a month later and there are more than  100,000, put another way, if you’re going to release an iPhone app tomorrow you’ll be competing for attention with 500 brand new apps.

Oh, and there’s there seemingly inconsequential fact that there has now been more than 2 billion app downloads. Yes, billion with a B.  That’s 23,500 downloads for every single application in the App store – solid evidence that this acceleration isn’t going to slow for anyone.

Whilst the digital world accelerates to light speed, television doesn’t seem to have a clue what to do while viewing figures decline. Even when we do watch their content, we’re fast-forwarding through their adverts with Sky+ and Tivo. That relentless technological march forward has left Murdoch’s machine scratching their prospective head and thinking “What the hell are we going to do”? It seems they’ve cooked up the  perfect answer – remove their websites from Google.

Clearly the Murdoch machine don’t have a clue what’s going 0n. The print industry are in free fall and people in suits are starting to throw their toys out of the cot.  There’s a distinct “what the fuck” feeling rippling out from the epicentre of content production and a curious thing has begun to happen. Those people who wouldn’t give you a job, those people who put your CV in the bin, the people who made you make coffee, and the people who were half cut whilst they broadcast the news are now removing their head from their arse and looking at us lot for answers. The smartest ones are anyway; the stupid ones are enjoying the stench of their own bullshit about their latest ITV quiz show.

If there’s one person to really pay attention to right now, it’s Eric Schmidt – the business brains behind the Google empire. What’s he saying? Despite the break neck pace of online development over the last five years, we’re nowhere close to equilibrium so expect the content/digital world to look completely different in five years from now.

“Within five years there will be broadband well above 100MB in performance – and distribution distinctions between TV, radio and the web will go away.”

From the media industry’s position, the word “multiplatform content” has been tagged onto anything that might work online, but from a typical bloggers perspective content is content. “Multiplatform content” is a transitional phrase destined to be meaningless in less than a years time. All platforms will have online access so distinction will no doubt disappear.

That seems to be the message coming from the Multiplatform training course Northern Lights, which I’ve been part of for the last two weeks. To my knowledge it’s the only course in the country anywhere close to the pace of change in content creation. It’s designed to take people from being wide-eyed University graduates to digital ninjas with the vision and skills to create content that works across all mediums. The people running this course, Moira Kean and Andrew Thomas, know all too well the speed at which things are changing, and with that in mind they’ve made change a key part of the course. Multiplatform, multiplatform, multiplatform.

We’ve heard the BBC’s development plans – they have very little to worry about even in these fast moving times, their research and development team are trend setters rather than trend followers. We’ve spent time with Mando group, a leading North West digital agency, and we’ll soon be spending time at Made in Manchester Radio and Milky Tea. That’s TV, Radio, Digital and Gaming all covered in one intense course, there’s no doubt that the people taking part are very lucky to have been chosen.

The one message that seems to be recurring as we explore and critique the world of content is this – now is the time to invent. If you’re copying the trend that someone else started you’re behind the times and moving too slow. Listen to the youngest of your workforce because in a strange twist of fate they probably know more than you do. If you have an idea, make it right now or soon enough someone else will do it and you’ll be left with a vacuous hole where your idea could have been great.

“We had that idea a few weeks ago didn’t we?”

This the conversation you and your business need to avoid at all costs. If it’s a good idea now, it won’t be a good idea by the end of the month, so get making.

It’s annoying really. Over the last eight years we’ve been pointing and laughing at the United States, and now we look over and see that maybe, just maybe, they’ve sorted their leadership out. Of course, the news today that the ‘what is there to debate about’ public option, or healthcare to you and I, may now have been crushed by Republicans and turncoat Democrats gives us at least one more thing to be stand in awe of. To quote one prominent G20 leader, who Obama spoke of but refused to identify, who said ‘We don’t understand it. You’re trying to make sure everybody has health care and they’re putting a Hitler mustache on you. That doesn’t make sense to me.’ It doesn’t make sense to me either, nor to most people fortunate enough to have an IQ higher than 90.

As ridiculous as American politics gets, it’s consumingly fascinating. The mind is baffled at the endless complexities at play, the way in which movers and shakers are overtly working for private interests, or in the pocket of a corporation. The delusion, the lies, the performances, the protesters, the talking heads, the teabaggers.

The teabaggers. I mean… honestly? How did we get to a point where the religious right in the US are getting themselves in a tizz over their Presidents plan to provide them with healthcare whilst at the same time naming their movement after a gratuitous sex act. It’s the kind of thing you just couldn’t write, and yet America churns this hilarity out time and time again. I suppose it would be funnier if the whole situation wasn’t so tense with one side having egotistical maniacs with foresight other than to further their career fanning the flames of hatred.

Of course the teabaggers have rebranded themselves as of late, they’re now a Glenn Beck creation by the name of the 9/12 project. Apparently he wants to replicate that feeling people felt the day after 9/11, on the 12th of September 2001, a day when everyone on the planet seriously asked the question, “is this the beginning of ultimate chaos?” I guess that feeling of impending madness and chaos is a feeling Beck is trying to raise from the dead? This is a man that cried himself into a stupor live on television. This is the man who joked about his collegue’s wife having a miscarriage. This is the man who assured us Barack Obama had a “deep seated hatred of white culture”. This is the man who boasted that he was once a compulsive liar a-moral alcoholic, but we’re to trust he doesn’t lie now.

It’s chaos. Mother trippin chaos. At any moment it feels the US could descend into riots between people who have a clue, and people who don’t. Here in the UK our politics is about as interesting as TV Wall Brackets. Where is our 9-12 project? If only for a laugh…

If you don’t know who Bill O’Reilly is, find out. Remember how Ron Burgundy reads anything you put on the auto prompter? Well Ron Burgundy is based on Bill O’Reilly who clearly does the same thing. For years I though Bill O’Reilly was a clever but confused individual, but after seeing this clip I’m convinced he’s a painfully stupid individual corrupted by years of reading and believing the bullshit he reads off auto prompters.

Do the maths Bill O.

It seems clear that Bill O’Reilly will read anything that Fox or anyone with a big enough wallet will put in front of him. He tells lies for a living. A tool of the suits hell bent on protecting their industry, be it oil, war, or a private healthcare system. It doesn’t matter, pay Bill O’Reilly and he’ll shout out your fairy tales as Gospel. He’ll no doubt assure you 2+2=5 if you pay him well enough. He’s an utter waste of space so caught up in bullshit that he’s started to believe it himself.

Someone rescue this lost soul from himself, he is an embarrassment to humanity.

That is it for today. Go fuck yourself Bill O’Reilly.

You heard it here first…

It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been to Glastonbury what makes it so special, yet here I sit, back at home and wrapped in the realms of reality trying to do just that.

I could say, ‘it’s the atmosphere that makes it special,’ or I might say ‘it’s the reputation it’s gained,’ or ‘the sun kissed rolling Somerset hills,’ but no matter what reason I come up with, I know I’ll undersell it.

A friend of mine described it as the festival that’s built by people who actually care. All over the country, festivals are becoming big business. Get more than 50,000 people into a field and you’re sure to make big money, but can we call the process of shipping people in, draining them of cash, and then shipping them out, a festival? Spend a week stumbling through the sites of Glastonbury and you’ll be as sure as I am; the answer to that question is no.

Waking up in a hot tent has never been a pleasant experience, there’s no escape from the heat and sweat hell bent on attaching itself to your lower back and face. If you want the rainbow, you’ve got to put up with the rain as Dolly Parton once said. Not so at Glastonbury. I’d heard there was a sauna and a shower that makes you feel magical. It’s only at a festival as welcoming as Glastonbury that I would consider getting my tackle out in the company of strangers. While the sound of wind chimes soothed my soul I spotted a peaceful hippy lounging next to a huge tipi with a fire blazing inside. “Can I use the sauna?” I whispered. “Sure you can, just get changed in here and then head through”.

I clambered under the silk laden tipi door into a foreign but welcoming world of nakedness and nature. It was like I’d just crawled through a tunnel into Narnia. I spotted a stocky man sporting a more than decent sized cock sprawled out on the grass outside what I assumed was the sauna. In any other world, this would have been weird, but at Glastonbury I threw caution to the wind and jumped in at the deep end. With the whipping flames of the tipi fire offering pleasant and peaceful encouragement I stripped down to my boxers, skin hugging neon yellow boxers to be precise.

I skimped across the grass towards the sprawled out man and opened the ornate hobbit sized door into the round organic sauna. In the loins of the sauna I was hugged into a sweat by the humid atmosphere and waited for my eyes to adjust to the impenetrable dark. “There’s space over here” someone said, “but… I can’t see” I replied. As my eyes adjusted I realised I was being guided to my seat by a naked 40 something male, “so is it rock out with your cocks out in here?” I uttered. “Seems to be the way…” he replied.

So there I was, at the foot of a hill in Somerset, in the company of both men and women I’d never met, stark bollock naked and sweating like the world was ending. The conversation flowed about who people wanted to see over the weekend, how wonderful the festival was, how the world would be a better place if only everyone had been to Glastonbury and how communities like this were springing up all over the country. As I sat in that dark and hot tent, I knew that outside there were people sharing similarly wonderful moments, but at that time I was soaking up my own moment. Within minitues I’d totally lost interest in my fear of being naked, it had been replaced with a genuine kindred for my fellow Glastonbury goers. I got so relaxed in there that strolling out into the unforgiving light completely starkers didn’t even fill me with anticipation, nor did it even raise an eyebrow. It just was. I thought nothing of showering with two European girls and our stocky cock heavy chap from earlier.

Something shifted in me while I was in that sauna. Contrary to popular belief, people are actually a wonderful bunch. Give them a tipi, a sauna and a shower, and they’ll just hang out naked.

If I were to try communicate the wonder of Glastonbury, I would say it’s magical moments like these stacked back to back for five days interrupted only by cider, spliffs, and the best bands in the world.

Take me back. The real world laughs at my cock.

Today I got two links from two friends to two different short films. Not an extraordinary situation I’ll admit, but the fact that both I liked both of the films made me think there was a blog post in it somewhere, so here they are.

The first is by Don’t Panic, and it involves removing clothes on the grounds of an MP who stole £90,000 from us. Anthony Steene is the relic who told BBC 4 the only reason we’re all mad about this expenses lark is because we’re jealous. I think it’s more to do with the fact that you’re milking tax payers to pay for your ridiculous house…

The second

It’s an Australian short film, and there’s no point in me explaining it at all, so just watch it carefully. It’s best you know nothing about it.

It’s never just a joke.

“Party leaders advocate sweeping reforms. Now it’s your turn. Tell us in 100 words what you would do to improve the way our country is run. We will publish the best ideas”

That’s the challenge those folk over at The Times have thrown down, so I’m going to have a crack of the whip. Reason being that when I first saw the challenge I wondered how many people above the age of 40 would dish out their old world wisdom; I haven’t done any research but I’d hedge a guess at it being the majority. I’m 23, and the old world hasn’t corrupted me yet, so here is my effort to represent the young.

Make Westminister a public museum to the ‘old system’. The sweeping reform must be the complete abolition of the current political system. We don’t need politicians any more, technology lets us represent ourselves.

Employ direct democracy through an open source web application so that everyone can have their say and shape policy like the masses shaped Wikipedia. Collaborate online with new ideas for all aspects of life, vote on new policy, new diplomats and new public servants. Everything is monitored by the public, including the budget. We don’t need crooks, liars and mercenaries, we can do this ourselves.

99 words

The expansion

Young people are turned off by politics because it’s completely alien to them. It’s so slow and arduous, where are the ideas? Where is the fun? Where is the creativity? It’s a bunch of old people in suits being boring, they’re the definition of boring, and they’re constantly watching their back so they don’t trip up by saying “I smoked a joint in school.”

None of us care that you smoked a joint in school. None of us care that you took ecstasy at a rave in 1989. We don’t care that you’re gay, straight or bi. We don’t even care if you’re into nazi sex orgys or hardcore pornography (as long as you pay for it). What we care about are ideas, and your total lack of them. In fact, you’re entire work place soaks ideas up like a rabid nappy then ejects them into the Thames to be washed out to sea never to be seen again.

The houses of parliament hasn’t become a political arm wrestle, that’s exactly what it is. On one side are people with ideas, and on the other are people who oppose them. The entire shape of the debating chamber ensures an “us vs them” atmosphere remains constant. Left wing, right wing, pro-choice, pro-life, athiest, theist, conservative, liberal, it’s all opposition politics that ensures you achieve next to nothing. Congratulations on acting like children for the past 400 years, especially the last 10 years where we had the unfortunate ability to watch you act like children on BBC Parliament.

While you’re desperately keeping up appearances, having nervous breakdowns, and tearing down anything anyone comes up with,we’re collaborating online. We’re not terrified of our own ideas, you guys are. We’re not terrified of being wrong, you guys are. You guys aren’t capable of working together, we are. You guys wear a uniform, we don’t. You guys work in a little boys club, we don’t. Your workplace is invite only, ours isn’t. We’re coming up with more ideas than your system has splattered together throughout it’s entire history. You just don’t “get” what we’re doing and you don’t get the significance of it.

You represent us to fight for our causes. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we don’t need representing any more, we all have a voice and we can even aggregate and analyze that voice. We’ve already been doing it for at least five years. The first part of your job is obsolete, you just don’t know it yet.

Secondly, if we remove the bells and whistles from your job description, essentially, you guys decide how much money to take from us and where that money should go. You redistribute wealth in a manner (I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt here) you think is in the nations best interest. Well we can do that ourselves with technology, it’s our money, so we can be as transparent as we like. We need an application that allows us to see exactly what’s going on, where money is coming in, where money is going out, where it’s needed, where it’s not, who is too rich, who is too poor, who is corrupting, who is working hard, who is half assing, who is developing ideas, where money is missing, where there is a surplus. That’s not an exhaustive list of things it needs but I expect the gaps will be filled in by some other collaborator I’ve never met. Special thankyou to whoever that person might be.

Don’t worry, we can design it and build it ourselves, you needn’t be a part of it. We’ve already put together the biggest encyclopedia the world has ever seen and built an operating system from scratch. Your pity isn’t needed here. I just represented myself and put forward my own idea, you weren’t involved and more people listened to me than there are members of parliament. See how easy it is?

I’m not worried about it really, I know that if it doesn’t happen now, it will happen later. Online progress is unstoppable. Manifest Destiny 2.0.

The world needs our ideas more than ever. You’ve had your crack of the whip and from our angle it was a piss poor effort. Admittedly, you didn’t have the best tools at your disposal but nevertheless you all managed to look like idiots. Especially Harriet Harman and Hazel Blears, you two really did take the biscuit.

For hundreds of years we were convinced the world was flat. It isn’t. For hundreds of years you people lived and breathed party politics thinking it works. It doesn’t.

We don’t need you. Go and get real jobs and fiddle the private sectors expenses all you want, just don’t expect anyone to believe the myth that you represent us. You don’t.