phillyharper.com

Tonight I am going to see Mark Thomas, he’s a comedian activist, or maybe he’s an activist comedian. The show is called manifesto and the premise is simple, get the audience to write suggestions down which might improve our lives and then work those suggestions into the performance. After his tour around the UK he’ll hopefully have a manifesto written entirely by the people, or more specifically, by the small number of people who came to see his show.

Each audience gets to come up with a policy, which I will include in the final manifesto and then campaign upon. So here is your chance to propose your policy or policies for the future. All I want is an idea that you think will improve our lives, it can be silly, serious, economic, plagiarised, original, bold, simple, complex, obvious or morbid.    -   markthomasinfo.com

Apparently we’re to fill in a form to suggest our suggestion but who the hell fills out forms these days? I haven’t used a pen in years, they’re so last century. Maybe my first suggestion is for all forms to be abolished, and instead everything is filled out in digital forms.

I’m not one for long arduous ideas, so I’m going to give an internet friendly numbered list of things I want changed, and if Mark Thomas doesn’t change them I’ll label him a failure. They’re definitely not listed in order of priority.

1. Exams should no longer be written on paper, they should be written on internet blocked netbooks. People can’t write any more, it’s a dead science. You can all have a cry about it if you wish, but forget about it, we’re all key tappers now.
2. Stop letting law and politics dictate morality, let society dictate morality. Yes I’m referring to substance abuse. While you go out (in Warrington especially) and drink yourself into oblivion I stayed home and smoked a joint. During that time I’m the criminal while you pissed all over our streets and woke up in your own sick. You’ve heard it before, but hear it again. Legalise all drugs and hand responsibility for the self back to the individual.
3. Bartering with produce should be brought back in its entirety. Our country is now so saturated in money that it’s entirely worthless, so we need to start trading in things again. I’ll trade you these shoes for that coat, how about that? A swap shop in every school please.
4. Stop suing for things that were your fault. You fell over in the street and hurt your knee, well guess what? That’s your stupid fault and no one else’s. The state is not there to wipe your arse every time you shit yourself, clean it up and stop crying. When are we going to stop rewarding idiots with cash?
5. If you go to jail I want you contributing to the economy more than the people who pay for the roof over your head do. Yes it’s a little archaic but I want to see chain gangs here in the UK. They can fix roads, garden old peoples homes, plant flowers in our town centres, make public art spaces, help farmers grow our food, renovate dilapidated areas in our inner cities and go to schools to tell kids how much bullshit prison is. You name it, they should do it.
6. Education needs to become modified to each child, I hear people whining about how difficult this would be and how much money would need to be investing, but that’s all a load of shit. I learned more using stumbleupon than I did at university and school combined. If a teacher was on hand to facilitate and guide that learning on a constructive path by setting work, setting deadlines and offering encouragement then we’re on to a winner.
7. I’m going to clarify point 6. Stumbleupon, reddit, digg, wikipedia, and anything else I deem necessary will be taught to children old enough to read. If they’re ninjas with these resources by the time they are 10 we’ll have a colony on Mars before 2050.
8. Anyone older than 40 who wears a suit to work needs to shut the fuck up. This is your mess we’re in and it’s us lot that are going to clean it up. We’re all waiting for you to die (or at least retire)  so we can legalise marijuana, legalise file sharing, and make a colony on Mars.
9. You shouldn’t be able to patent an idea, a science, a discovery, a concept, a technology, or an anything. Anything discovered goes into a “mankind ideas pot” that we can all be proud of, the mankind ideas pot is well referenced, and everyone will know your name. Yay, you found a cure for cancer, no, you can’t charge us a licence fee to use it.
   

   “Congratulations, you’re a hero for thinking up this idea, here’s our thoughts on it, here’s how it can be better, look we all made the idea better, wow, we’re all so clever. Here’s the highest award you can get, an internet knighthood, you are now Sir Mark of Internetshire.”

10. What do the government do now? They’re essentially an archaic communications and administration system using suits, pens, papers, lies and media manipulation to go about their job. All they do is collect money and redistribute it to where it needs to be, and they do a horrible horrible job of it. Can someone please design an internet application which mimics the job of government, that is entirely transparent, and that we can all take part in and monitor? Have your vote on each new proposal and collectively mould our future through mass participation.
11. Since this is a relatively mammoth task, can we at least start with making Alistair Darlings budget into an internet application so that we can all look at where all the money comes in, and where it all leaves. Every last penny of it. Better yet, make it interactive so you can make your own budget, reassign interest rates and the likes, then share those budgets online to a vote.
12. Work needs to throw away the relic of 9-5. I am not more productive because you  make me stay IN work for eight hours a day. Set me a goal, set me a deadline, and I’ll achieve it. OK? Good.
13. Don’t give Margaret Thatcher a state funeral, give David Attenborough one instead.
14. A theologian has no more authority than a child does in guestimating how the world started. Guessing isn’t a science, it’s a nonsense. So keep theologians out of science and back into the realms of tarot cards and astrology.
15. Make idols and heroes of our Scientists instead of making idols and heroes of our mediocre fools.
16. Teach children the concept of open source over the concept of capitalism. Give and you shall receive.
17. Make clear to everyone how banks work. Mainly the notion that they manufacture wealth from nothing which we then pay back to them, making them rich and us poor. See this:

Unfortunately I didn’t get as much time on this as I’d liked, and ultimately I’m fairly disappointed with my list. None the less, there it is, so if you have any you’d like on there add it quickly.