phillyharper.com

A few years ago, in a fairly juvenile period of my life, I was living with ‘the lads’. We were’t laddy lads, but we did like Mario Kart and PEZ… It also transpired that we liked Weetabix. We liked them so much I decided to let Weetabix know of our adoration for their product.

From: ME (removed my email to stop spam)
Sent: 21 March 2008 17:20
To: ConsumerService [at] Weetabix.Com
Subject: Media/Press enquiry

Query Text:
Hello,

This morning I ate 6 weetabix, quite a feat in this house of three young chaps. The event caused a debate, how many weetabix can you eat in one go? We were interested to find out and began our research, only we were disappointed to find out that there isn’t currently a world record. We don’t have a target to aspire to, and thats a shame, but then we realised that it was actually an opportunity.

In one go, we reckon we can get through 12, but we’ve not tried it yet. We want to set the record, and we want your help to do it. We want the world to see our world record attempt, and we want to document our training. How about we put the whole thing online and make it go viral? The more we thought about it, the more excited we got about it and thought up many amazing things we could do surrounding the record attempt.

If you’ll endorse us, we want to throw down the gauntlet on weetabix, we want to set the record for others to never break. What do ya say? The internet will love it, you’ll get great viral advertising, we get the record, and the adoration of the weetabix community.

Help us to help you!

Phil (The reining weetabix champion)

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From: ConsumerService@Weetabix.Com
Sent: Tue, Mar 25, 2008 at 4:25 PM
To: ME (removed my email to stop spam)
Subject: Media/Press enquiry

Dear Mr Harper,

Many thanks for your enquiry.

We do not maintain records for Weetabix consumption, either in ‘one go’ or over a period of time. We feel eating any food in excessive amounts, short or long term, is unwise and should be avoided.

As part of a healthful, balanced diet Weetabix are great but we take no part in attempts to eat them, or indeed any of our products, in large quantities. We advise against any such activity.

Yours sincerely

Dan Herrin
Consumer Services Manager
Weetabix Limited

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From: ME (removed my email to stop spam)
Sent: Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 8:11 PM
To: ConsumerService [at] Weetabix.Com
Subject: Re: Media/Press enquiry ref 419356

Dear Mr Herrin,

In light of your stern and solemn response my friends and I have become somewhat discontented with the weetabix brand. Our excitement for your product was quickly diminished the moment your email graced my inbox and bored everything it touched. We thought that your working in an environment as stale as a weetabix factory would make your desire for nonchalant and jovial banter grow exponentially, evidently this is not the case and the factory has ground you down into a lifeless cog, and that’s a shame.

Our disappointment at Weetabix’s lack of interest in their fans has given us no option but to move on to another brand. They’re called Wheat Biscuits and they’re made by the good chaps at Somerfield, no doubt they stole the creation from you but nonetheless they’ve done a mighty fine job of it. There won’t be a world record for Weetabix eating, there will only be a world record for Wheat Biscuit eating, and guess who’s loss that is.

Have a nice day in your office